Always Being Right, Isn't Right!

There is nothing more competitive than seven boys living in a three-bedroom apartment struggling because of the poverty within which you are being raised.  You are trapped in that apartment competing for your mother's attention, competing to see who gets served first so that the quantity of food on your plate isn't less because you are last, competing to see who can finish first just in case there is an opportunity for a second serving, competing to see who will get the next new pair of sneakers because the money isn't sufficient for all seven to so you take turns, and so forth.  Yes, seven boys in a 3 bedroom apartment surviving off the income of a bartender, my dad's profession, leads to a great deal of competition, and that eventually leads to a battle to demonstrate that you know more than your siblings.

Imagine raising 7 boys pretty much all by yourself in a three-bedroom apartment.  Seven boys who despite your greatest efforts never stop competing for your attention and love, who are always competing to demonstrate that each is more RIGHT than the other.  With each of us only being about a year apart in age, we became competitive.  So, what does this have to do with always being right?  Well, the more competitive you become the more right you want to be and before you know it you are more focused on being right than doing right.  Yes, being right becomes blinding and your determination to be right can lead to alienating yourself from others, who would occasionally appreciate your acknowledging they are right.  It makes you defensive as others try to explain why you are wrong, blinding you to the opportunity to grow and learn from their experiences and knowledge.  

Age has a funny way of helping us expand our minds and begin to realize that so many of the times we thought we were right, we were actually wrong or no more right than the other person.  We believed we are right based on the knowledge we possessed at that point in our lives, but if that knowledge is flawed or based on a truth was not true, then we were wrong.  With age comes wisdom, the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight. It is often associated with attributes such as unbiased judgment, compassion, experiential self-knowledge, and virtues such as ethics and benevolence.   If you take time to think about past decisions you have made, you may begin to note how often you thought you were right and were not.  You come to realize that it is not about being right all the time, but about recognizing when you are wrong and learning from that mistake.  Perhaps you will realize, as I have, that being right is not as important as developing relationships with those around you and learning to celebrate when they are right.  Appreciating the positions of others and recognizing that discourse about contradictory positions is not about who is more right, but about the opportunity to build relationships and learn from the experiences of others.  

Today, so many are debating about why they are right and the other person is wrong, that discourse has become illogical and divisive. The need to prove that one position is more right than the other has resulted in the inability to think beyond the constraints of our own knowledge.  We are too busy trying to be right, we can't even conceive the fact that we could be or are wrong.  Today, I realize that there on more occasions thank I would like to admit, what I thought was right in the past was wrong.  I look back and think how foolish I was and how I need to be very careful to not be so focused on being right, that I fail to see when I am wrong.  Today, I am more than willing to let others be right and to respect where they are in their journey rather than focusing on always being right because that just isn't right!  Just a little advice to go! 

Reflecting God's Grace

 A while back I decided to quit facebook because I felt it was doing more harm than good.  Today, I hear from so many with Facebook accounts about the hard feelings and decisiveness resulting from postings by friends, family members, and believers regarding their positions on social events and politics.  What may folks do not realize is that Facebook, like many other social platforms, collects data on all of us which is then shared with or sold to others who use it to manipulate each of us based on our positions regarding faith, politics, social events and much more.  

For people of faith, critical platforms such as abortion and pro-choice are used to generate specific messages on our respective Facebook pages to lead us from one site to another bolstering our beliefs and demonizing anyone who believes different.  In the end, we become polarized to the point where we fail to hear another person's perspective or worse yet, react to it with anger and disdain.  In the end, we are more divided along political lines and faith from other believers, friends and family than ever before.  

Most concerning is the reality that people of faith have aligned themselves with positions that contradict the biblical teachings and principles critical to living a faith based life.  As people of faith, we cannot align ourselves with those who preach hate, condemnation, vindictiveness, verbal abuse, and physical violence.  We should not be manipulated into forgetting that we are called to love our enemies, to forgive them, to share God's word with them and to lead them by living in accordance with the biblical principles which are a testimony to our faith in Christ.  Included in these are the two great commandments Christ gave us, love the lord thy God with all your heart, soul, and mind and love your neighbor as you love yourself.  If we adhere to these two commandments, then we should find a place in our hearts for those who are different as demonstrated by Christ on many occasions.  We can impact those around us by the grace we demonstrate towards them, a grace that will help us learn to be respectful towards each other.  Just a little advice to go! 

Certain about Uncertainty

You can be certain that uncertainty is certain.  Perhaps a play on words, but the reality is that many leaders make the mistake of expecting certainty when life is everything but certain.  Good leaders understand that life is not linear, that despite our best efforts we will encounter unexpected obstacles and challenges.  The problem is not the obstacle or challenge, but rather how we react when they occur. 

Good leaders work to ensure they limit uncertainty but are prepared to respond when the unexpected occurs.  Rather than panic, make excuses, or look for someone to blame, good leaders react.  They take the necessary steps to rally the team to come up with a solution for overcoming the unexpected.  They trust their teams and their teams trust them.  That trust enables them to work collaboratively to find a way to overcome the challenge/obstacle and achieve the desired goal.  Just a little advice to go! 

Leading in Difficult Times

Leading in difficult times requires focusing on some basic leadership principles we sometimes take for granted.  The first of these is that we as leaders are given a great responsibility to care for those individuals entrusted to us.  We are leading people and thus responsible for their care, a critical reality considering the current pandemic.  It means adjusting expectations to account for the stress our team members are experiencing; stress related to working from home, to the fears of becoming ill, or resulting from a loved one being diagnosed with CoVid-19.  Whatever the cause, we need to remember that leading is not about us, it is about those we lead and ensuring they have the necessary support to navigate through this difficult crisis.  Those who have empowered and entrusted us to lead on their behalf expect no less of us as leaders.

Second, we need to remember that our leadership role is temporary, we will all move on from our current roles.  For some, it will be a promotion to another position or a move to another company for a more fulfilling role or better pay.  Whatever the reason, we need to avoid getting too comfortable and the assumption that our current leadership role is permanent because regardless of our tenure, we will move on.  This means we have a limited time to do our best, to lead with excellence.  It means staying focused on making sure our teams have all they need to be successful, that every team member is addressed based on their individual circumstances.

Thirdly, we need to remember that we are accountable for our roles as leaders.  We are accountable to those who have chosen us to lead and to those whom we have chosen to lead.  That accountability requires us to consider the type of leaders we are going to be, leaders focused on ourselves or leaders focused on those we serve.  Servant leaders understand that leading is about serving others, we provide balance to ensure we stay centered on our organizational mission and values, never sacrificing either because of any one person.  We do this while remembering who we are and ensuring we never bend on those critical values all leaders should practice.  Everything we do should align with being respectfully honest, practicing excellence, being accountable, and working as a team.

Leadership is difficult in any given situation but during difficult times, it is critical that we as leaders remember we are responsible for those we lead, that our roles are temporary or seasonal, and that we will be held accountable for how we conduct ourselves.  Just a little advice to go!

Second Chances

Are there no second chances for the young child of color today, second chances to grow up and play.

Second chances to correct a wrong, to pontificate with friends about a favorite song.

Too young to die, to old to cry, no second chances and the question is why?

Why not a second chance, for that young Black child, a chance to grow, a chance to smile,

A Latino child with the same exact smile, hoping to live more than just a little while.

Why not a second chance for that young man of color, that man we should all call our brother,

For that sister who is much like you and me mister; different in gender and color of skin, still undeniably our kin.

Second chances to escape an unwarranted death, death at the hands of the protector, neglecter, rejecter and disrespecter.

A second chance to smile, sing, love, hug, make a wrong right and live another night;

To overcome the hate, sexism, racism, and all the isms of this place, A second chance to make their case. 

Second chances, why not a second chance, first chance, Never had a chance...

Leading Change

Leaders need to be at the forefront of making change happen, a process that should remind us to focus on some basic practices.  Here are some helpful hints:

1. Think outside of the box, put aside the traditional way of doing things, and try something totally different.  Clearly, the same old thing is not working and thus the need for change.  An outsider's view might be helpful.

2. Focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses.  Use your strengths to ensure a successful change and focus on the strengths others bring to the table to compensate for the skills you lack.

3. Stay encouraged, a positive perspective is critical to determining the changes that need to be made.  The change team has to leave the negativity at the door and take on a win-win approach.  

4. Come up with a change plan, implement it and then revisit it to ascertain if it is working.  Change can be ongoing and modifying the plan may be necessary ensure the change will be successful.

5. When change happens and things improve, celebrate!  We often resolve an issue with some innovative changes only to then move on to the next problem before celebrating the one we have just resolved.

Remember that change is about impacting the things you can control and not the ones beyond your control.  Lead the change! Just a little advice to go!

Overcoming Isolation!

In a previous post, I spoke of the important of developing intimate friendships and avoiding isolation.  Never did I imagine we would find ourselves battling a pandemic that requires we isolate ourselves and limit our physical contact with those outside of our immediate family members.  In my previous post, I noted the impact of technology in fostering superficial relationships and contributing to our isolation.  But today, I note the importance of using technology to liberate us from our isolation.

I meet daily with my work team via Microsoft Teams, but we make it a point to turn the cameras on.  We get to see each other in our homes with all the interruptions that make the experience so much more intimate.  We have wives walking by the camera with their hair in a towel, children jumping up and down on the bed, dogs barking, leaf blowers sounding, school teachers zooming in and so much more.  These welcomed interruptions provide a glimpse into the daily lives of my teammates, it provides for a greater level of intimacy with people with whom I share a significant portion of my life.  It helps me serve them with a greater level of understanding, compassion, and appreciation.  The same is true for my friends and family as I can use the same technology to ensure a more intimate contact with each of them; contact beyond a simple text, voice mail or e-mail.  I can see and experience their daily realities and feel like I'm right there with them. How awesome!

Poet John Donne wrote the poem No Man Is An Island to remind us that every person "is a piece of the continent, a part of the main...".  We depend on each other for the social contact that helps formulate who we are and will become.  Technology can never replace the need for touch, the need to feel the presence of another, the vibrations of another's laughter, or the embrace of the one whose sorrow leads to tears.  But if used appropriately, technology can help us better connect with others and offset the isolation forced upon us by this pandemic.  Just a little advice to go!

The Truth Shall Set You Free

As leaders it is critical we understand the importance of being truthful, first with ourselves and then with others. Those who know me have heard me say more than once, "the worse person to lie to is yourself". Time has taught me that our desire to protect ourselves from consequence, the fear of consequence, leads us to deny or distort the facts around the truth. Much like a child's fear of consequence, we often rationalize our mistakes to the point of converting the truth into our version of events, a truth that helps us avoid consequence. But the fact remains that no matter how much we convince ourselves that the facts are as we want them to be, those who witnessed our actions know the truth.

We can deceive ourselves, but it is difficult to deceive those who witnessed our behavior, they are perplexed at our inability to accept responsibility for our actions. We set an example for those around us that when things go wrong, it is acceptable to distort the facts and blame someone else. We even have the audacity to judge others when they fail to own their mistakes without regard for the fact that we have encouraged their behavior because we are unwilling to own ours.

There is a biblical scripture, John 8:32, which speaks about being set free, not simply from the fear of consequence but from living a life of falsehood. It means living a principled life, one where being truthful comes naturally because it is what we expect of ourselves and others. It means we own our mistakes because we understand that owning them makes us better and reflects to those around us that we expect them to own their's. It recognizes our humanity and the fact that we are flawed and will make mistakes. It ensures that because we own our mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes, that we are astute in our decision making, willing to include the insights of others before making a final decision. These are the freedoms we gain as leaders when we make the commitment to be truthful in spite of the consequences. Practicing truthfulness, particularly when things go wrong, frees others to do the same and eliminates any accuses for their choosing to be untruthful. The truth shall set you free. Just a little advice to go!

Focus on the Content, Not the Package!

This past week, I attended a Leadership Summit sponsored by my employer, Endeavors.  It was an excellent growth opportunity and I have to share some of the knowledge I gained.  One of the speakers was Dr. J. Bruce Stewart, Managing Partner of Small World Solutions Consulting.  He spoke on the topics of Diversity and Inclusion, two areas I happen to be passionate about.  Dr. Stewart reminded me that despite all we learn, we need to continue to work towards understanding the value of diversity and ensuring we are inclusive of that diversity in our teams and decision making.

Diversity is more than just about one characteristic, specifically more than just the one trait we quickly focus on when we hear the term diversity.  If you have a room occupied by Black women, do you have diversity?  Many would respond to that question with a resounding no, because they have focused on one aspect of those in the room, the color of their skin.  But the reality is that Black women can originate from many different countries and speak different languages, thus their race has little to do with their diversity.  Their different cultures, experiences, and education provide for a group of diverse women making them all valuable, the content clearly more important than the package.  It is important to ensure these varying experiences and cultures have the opportunity to be included on our teams,  as they will enrich the team's knowledge and performance.

In the world of law enforcement, we often focus on one attribute when addressing the challenges we face regarding how police respond to people of color.  We have implemented a number of programs to ensure a diverse police force, but the challenges remain.  Perhaps, we have failed to ensure that we have a more inclusive police force, one that is more clearly educated on how we are all different and how we come to respect each others differences.  The same is often true in most work places where decisions are made without any effort to control for our biases, biases we all have and are often not aware of.   The challenge is to ensure we are being self conscious about our implicit biases so we can work to prevent them from hindering our decision making and become more inclusive of others.  Dr. Stewart offered three rules for inclusion, here they are:

1. Get of of your comfort zone.
2. Seek out and respect other perspectives.
3. We are smarter together.

Perhaps it sounds a bit simplistic, but maybe it is just as simple as each of us working towards figuring out our individual biases and ensuring we are willing to address them by getting out of our comfort zones, welcoming the perspectives others have and recognizing the value of working together with those who may be the least like us.  My challenge to each of you is to be intentional about educating yourself on how to overcome your own biases and how to become a more inclusive leader.  I'll continue to share on the topic as I educate myself, starting with my next piece about the three types of biases Dr. Stewart discussed during his presentation.  Please remember to focus on the contents on not the package!  Just a little advice to go!